Growing our Family with Love

People often ask me what symptoms I had prior to my diagnosis.  Looking back, I had several symptoms that I wrote off as “normal” for a twenty-nine-year-old woman who was trying to get pregnant.  These included a "pooch" in my lower abdomen, fatigue, frequent potty breaks, abdominal cramping (I had recently stopped taking birth control), and late periods (when this happened, it made me hopeful that I was pregnant). I was hesitant to visit the doctor sooner because I had heard that most doctors want you to try for one year before they take any measures to help you get pregnant.  Even though my symptoms were noticeable, I could reason them all away, and I told myself to wait 4, 3, 2 months until my next annual appointment in October.

Fast forward to today, and a complete hysterectomy later, a biological child is not an option for Greg and me.  However, we both still desperately want to become parents.  We've done a lot of research and found that "traditional adoption" can be very difficult for a family if there has been a cancer diagnosis.  We decided to move forward with the state and become foster parents with the hope of caring for a child who can become a permanent part of our family through adoption. 

The goal of the state foster care system is to temporarily remove children from bad situations, allowing the biological parents the opportunity to resolve their issues and bring their children back into their homes.  Although foster care is designed to be short-term, as the state strongly believes that children belong with their biological parents if possible, in many situations it is not an option to reunite these children with their biological parents.  If no relative is available to care for these children, the foster parents may have the opportunity to adopt them.

The idea of fostering children is both exciting and terrifying.  We are excited about bringing children into our home and providing a safe, caring, loving environment for kids who may not have that otherwise.  We are excited about the idea of growing our family.  We are excited to become parents.  We are terrified of caring for a child for a long time and not knowing whether it will become ours.  We are terrified of falling in love with a child and the heartbreak of having to send it back to the birth parents.  It is also scary not to be able to plan the timeline, as it could take anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of years to terminate parental rights and finalize an adoption.  Several times throughout our research, we have asked ourselves whether we can handle this after everything we've already been through.  Our answer right now is yes.

We are currently going through the process of becoming an approved foster family.  Greg, Karen, and I are all taking the required classes, which wrap up in late July.  The first interview with our case worker is scheduled for next week.  We have turned in all of our paperwork (a big thanks to those who helped with the referrals).  We will also need to have our home inspected.  After all that is complete, we hope to be approved and ready for our first placement.  

Greg and I would love to care for an infant and have the opportunity to experience all of the baby and parenting milestones, but there are children of all ages who need homes. We have said that we will accept up to two children at a time, between the ages of 0-2, boys or girls, any ethnicity. This has been both fun and challenging to prepare for, as we are trying to get as much ready as possible prior to a placement.  We have a room that was already painted a gender-neutral shade of yellow.  But, not knowing the age, gender, or number of children has made deciding what we need difficult.  Adding to the complexity is the fact that we could potentially get a one-year-old for a few months, and then get an infant, or an almost three-year-old, or both!  

Foster care requires a high level of confidentiality to protect the children and their birth families.  When we get a placement, it is unlikely that we will be able to share much identifying information beyond the age and sex of the child on this blog.  Although we will not be able to share photos or names until after adoption, we will try to keep you updated as much as possible.  We are so grateful for all of the love and support we have received so far and look forward to sharing this journey with you as well.