New Years Eve Foster Placement
On New Years Eve, Greg and I were with friends in Lexington, KY to ring in the new year. We had settled in to watch a football game and were making plans for dinner. My phone ran and I recognized the number as a state worker. Greg and I ran into another room to take the call.
Being in the evening and a holiday, the worker who was making the call was not at the office. She did not have a computer to look up any information other than what the investigative worker told her, she didn't even know their names. They had a baby boy and an 18 month girl old that needed an emergency placement. The baby and birth mom tested positive for drugs, the baby was still in the hospital but the 18 month old needed a home tonight.
Greg and I quickly said goodbye to our friends and headed back to Louisville. We needed to hurry because they were hoping to place the 18 month old within the next couple of hours. Luckily, we still had supplies left over from our first 2 year old placement. We had enough to get us through the night and the next morning so we didn't have to make any stops on the way home.
We met the worker downtown to pick up the little girl. After transferring her to our car she quickly fell asleep. Just a few minutes into our drive it was obvious that heavy smokers lived in home she came from. Greg and I both had to crack our windows in the car because the smell was so strong. She came with a diaper bag and a few changes of clothes, however these smelled so bad that we wouldn't bring the bag into our house. I tried to wash her clothes, but even after a cycle in the wash the smoke smell still lingered.
That night was one of the toughest we've had with a placement so far. The little girl seemed terrified of the crib and doors being closed. Even when we were in the room with her, she would freak out once the door closed. We tried everything to get her to sleep, and while we could get her to go to sleep for short periods of time, when she woke up she was awake for an hour or more. This continued until 5AM! She slept from 5 - 10am in the chair in my arms and when she woke up she went straight for the door. She tripped over her blanket and landed on her knees, lowered her head to the carpet and slept there on the floor until 1:30 in the afternoon! I have never seen anything like it before! I kept saying, surely she'll wake up soon, she's got to be hungry!
The next day one of our great friends came over to watch the little girl so we could head to the hospital and stay with the baby. After a few days in the hospital, several hours of training, and one overnight visit we were finally able to take the baby home. We had gotten the little girl to go to sleep on a more regular schedule and the smoke smell to subside. She didn't have any words, but knew what she wanted to tell us, lots of cooing and grunting to get her point across.
When it was time for the children's first court date Greg and I headed downtown. At court, you are able to hear all of the confidential information that the placement workers aren't able to tell you. We saw mom and dad and overheard their court appointed attorney tell them that they both failed drug screenings, meth and heroine. We learned that mom and dad both were unemployed and had no source of income (although the nurses at the hospital told us dad was a dealer). We also learned that mom and dad live with the children's paternal grandparents. This was concerning to us because that means the grandparents were in the home with the non-verbal 18 month old that reeked of smoke and in our opinion, if they were'nt stepping in to help, they were at the very least complicit in the neglect.
Before we went in to see the judge we heard that the court appointed attorney and the state came to an agreement and the children would being going home in the grandparents custody. Mom and Dad were supposed to move out of the grandparents home, although they would be allowed to "visit" with the children. To us, it appeared that the state did not gather enough evidence against the grandparents to justify them not getting custody. The judge did not hear the evidence, she left the agreement between the state and the attorneys in place. The kids were going home.
This was hard news to hear. We adamantly believed that this home was not a safe and heathy environment for these babies. We also didn't believe that these grandparents would actually force their kids to move out of the home and essentially make them homeless. In our opinion, the state had failed these children. We were required to spend hours at the hospital getting trained on the special needs of this new born baby that was just released from Invensive Care. The grandparents had not attempted to see this baby one time in almost 3 weeks at the hospital.
Our hearts were broken. We were angry. We were helpless. We were required to drop the children off just an hour later to the worker downtown. I feverishly tried to write notes to the grandparents on the special needs of this baby and begged the worker to follow up with them to make sure he sees the pediatrician soon. We will not get any updates on the children as we have no rights to that information.
This is the hardest part about being a forest parent. We know these placements could be short-term and we know that the states goal is always reunification with the birth family. This is what we agreed to and we would do it again. When other placements left our home, although the we were sad to see them go, we felt that the home they were going to was safe and loving. All we can hope in this case is that the state continues to follow these babies and that the parents can get their stuff together to care for their kids appropriately.
Being in the evening and a holiday, the worker who was making the call was not at the office. She did not have a computer to look up any information other than what the investigative worker told her, she didn't even know their names. They had a baby boy and an 18 month girl old that needed an emergency placement. The baby and birth mom tested positive for drugs, the baby was still in the hospital but the 18 month old needed a home tonight.
Greg and I quickly said goodbye to our friends and headed back to Louisville. We needed to hurry because they were hoping to place the 18 month old within the next couple of hours. Luckily, we still had supplies left over from our first 2 year old placement. We had enough to get us through the night and the next morning so we didn't have to make any stops on the way home.
We met the worker downtown to pick up the little girl. After transferring her to our car she quickly fell asleep. Just a few minutes into our drive it was obvious that heavy smokers lived in home she came from. Greg and I both had to crack our windows in the car because the smell was so strong. She came with a diaper bag and a few changes of clothes, however these smelled so bad that we wouldn't bring the bag into our house. I tried to wash her clothes, but even after a cycle in the wash the smoke smell still lingered.
That night was one of the toughest we've had with a placement so far. The little girl seemed terrified of the crib and doors being closed. Even when we were in the room with her, she would freak out once the door closed. We tried everything to get her to sleep, and while we could get her to go to sleep for short periods of time, when she woke up she was awake for an hour or more. This continued until 5AM! She slept from 5 - 10am in the chair in my arms and when she woke up she went straight for the door. She tripped over her blanket and landed on her knees, lowered her head to the carpet and slept there on the floor until 1:30 in the afternoon! I have never seen anything like it before! I kept saying, surely she'll wake up soon, she's got to be hungry!
The next day one of our great friends came over to watch the little girl so we could head to the hospital and stay with the baby. After a few days in the hospital, several hours of training, and one overnight visit we were finally able to take the baby home. We had gotten the little girl to go to sleep on a more regular schedule and the smoke smell to subside. She didn't have any words, but knew what she wanted to tell us, lots of cooing and grunting to get her point across.
When it was time for the children's first court date Greg and I headed downtown. At court, you are able to hear all of the confidential information that the placement workers aren't able to tell you. We saw mom and dad and overheard their court appointed attorney tell them that they both failed drug screenings, meth and heroine. We learned that mom and dad both were unemployed and had no source of income (although the nurses at the hospital told us dad was a dealer). We also learned that mom and dad live with the children's paternal grandparents. This was concerning to us because that means the grandparents were in the home with the non-verbal 18 month old that reeked of smoke and in our opinion, if they were'nt stepping in to help, they were at the very least complicit in the neglect.
Before we went in to see the judge we heard that the court appointed attorney and the state came to an agreement and the children would being going home in the grandparents custody. Mom and Dad were supposed to move out of the grandparents home, although they would be allowed to "visit" with the children. To us, it appeared that the state did not gather enough evidence against the grandparents to justify them not getting custody. The judge did not hear the evidence, she left the agreement between the state and the attorneys in place. The kids were going home.
This was hard news to hear. We adamantly believed that this home was not a safe and heathy environment for these babies. We also didn't believe that these grandparents would actually force their kids to move out of the home and essentially make them homeless. In our opinion, the state had failed these children. We were required to spend hours at the hospital getting trained on the special needs of this new born baby that was just released from Invensive Care. The grandparents had not attempted to see this baby one time in almost 3 weeks at the hospital.
Our hearts were broken. We were angry. We were helpless. We were required to drop the children off just an hour later to the worker downtown. I feverishly tried to write notes to the grandparents on the special needs of this baby and begged the worker to follow up with them to make sure he sees the pediatrician soon. We will not get any updates on the children as we have no rights to that information.
This is the hardest part about being a forest parent. We know these placements could be short-term and we know that the states goal is always reunification with the birth family. This is what we agreed to and we would do it again. When other placements left our home, although the we were sad to see them go, we felt that the home they were going to was safe and loving. All we can hope in this case is that the state continues to follow these babies and that the parents can get their stuff together to care for their kids appropriately.
i am so sorry for all the hardships you had to go through. but with hardships the ease comes. we should always think positive and put our trust in God.
ReplyDeleteIt's really hard for you. You are so brave to write about it! I admire you.
ReplyDeleteI am so excited to read your sundae planing I also work in the office of coursework writing service after six days I also want to go for picnic with my family and friemnds , thanks for sharing your leave day,
ReplyDelete