The North Face Goes to Chemo

Over the last couple of years I have diligently chronicled the adventures of Stephanie's North Face jacket.  This started as a joke between her and I about her cold nature and how impossible it often was to get her out of her favorite jacket at 75 degrees or below.  We persisted with this game on Facebook and people thoroughly enjoyed the adventures of her and her jacket.  For me it was a strange way of showing how much I love her little intricacies.

Today is the day we knew was coming but never wanted to arrive and it represents yet another adventure for the North Face and Steph.  Today Stephanie receives her first chemo infusion.  I have mixed emotions about this experience and I can't even begin to imagine how Stephanie feels.

When we arrived at the infusion center time seemed to slow down to a crawl.  I became hyper observant of the people in the waiting and infusion areas.  There was an elderly woman with her loving husband walking across the room joking with one another as if they had been here many times before. There was a prisoner wearing an orange jump suit cuffed to a wheel chair with his police escort.  There was woman in her mid-30's wheeled in by her husband who was thin, sickly, and weak.  She barely moved with the exception of lifting her arm to caress the hand of her handsome husband.  Cancer does not discriminate in any way shape or form.  It could affect all of us and sitting in these rooms looking around it is easy to see this truth in action.

Part of me is excited to see the beginning of the process to fight the disease that has been growing inside her for who knows how long.  The other part of me is a mixture of scared, emotional, helpless, and defenseless.  It certainly doesn't help to see how sick many of the patients are here at the chemo infusion center.  As I sit here watching someone give the love of my life a drug that will certainly make her sicker than she has ever been; my heart breaks.  My sweet, independent, and strong wife will have to endure so much pain it makes me want to scream, cry, fight, and explode.  Unfortunately the dominant feeling I am experiencing right now is helplessness because I can’t make this go away for her and I can't fight it for her.


Today is a tough day for me and an obviously tough day for Stephanie.  She has had so many complications, procedures, and distractions since the diagnosis, this is really the first day we have dealt with the fact she has cancer.  We can't ignore it anymore.  We can't choose to forget about it.  We will have a weekly reminder at her chemo infusions that Stephanie has Ovarian Cancer and she is on the front line of a long and trying battle.

What we have done to this point is care for one another and graciously accept the support of our family and friends.   We will continue to battle this disease together and we will continue to need the support of those around us.

I will be here to love her through every drip of medicine and until every cell of cancer is killed in her body.  I love her more than I love myself and I will do everything to get her well.  Stay tuned for many more North Face Adventures with Stephanie.